Monday, January 18, 2010

Conversation with myself...pt. 2

If you're familiar with pt. 1, then pt. 2's dialog will make sense to you. To truly understand this though, you must read pt. 1.

Other Self: "What's good bruh...??? Haven't spoken in awhile...I bet it's funny for you to see that you're going through hell and this time I have nothing to do with it huh??? It's funny how life works against you no matter what you do. Every support system is turning their back on you and...quick question...how long have you been praying the serenity prayer and seeing no results??? My point exactly..."

Conscious Self: "...and there lies the reason we haven't spoken in awhile. Knowing your natural intent, it's quite easy to NOT talk to you. Anyway...I know God may not come when I want him to but I know he'll be there in due time. They say God never puts more on you than you can handle so I truly believe that."

Other Self: "Do you really now??? So you mean the other day when you were walking from Jub after going to pick up a sandwich that "someone" made for you that you didn't tell God that you can't see how you can really handle this all at one time??? I could've sworn I heard you say that..."

Conscious Self: "I've told you about diving in to my business before..."

Other Self: "Look...just because I've been trapped in this hypothetical "box" since the last time that I came out doesn't mean that I can't hear you. I know I only come out when you let me out but that doesn't mean that I don't HEAR you...I'm still here you know...it's not like I've gone anywhere..."

Conscious Self: "Unfortunately..."

Other Self: "Such harsh words...especially for someone who tried to help you awhile ago..."
Conscious Self: "Please inform me of this time period because I'd DEFINITELY like to know..."
Other Self: "You don't remember that time...when I COMPLETELY took control...I was trying to help you get over the fact that you were down over her...I mean REALLY down...did I not have a more positive outlook on the situation than you did??? I was out for your good that time...not for bad...but after you regained control you decided to cage me up in a box like an animal or something...like I had done something wrong..."

Conscious Self: "What you did was NOT help. You made shit worse. MUCH worse. I felt awful when I returned to myself."

Other Self: "You talk like I'm not apart of you..."

Conscious Self: "How many times have I had to tell you you're not apart of me??? You're not. You're just the negativity that has always loomed over my head that is an unfortunate addition to myself."

Other Self': "Look here...I didn't come to argue with you. I actually came to give you some credit for having the ability to overcome me..."

Conscious Self: "You said that last night...I don't need to hear it from you that much..."
Other Self: "I mean I'm proud though..."

Conscious Self: "Look. I know you. The only...ONLY reason you're showing up is because I'm going through a lot right now and I don't know how to handle it and I just made a dumb decision that may have ruined some things...damn..."

Other Self: "You feel bad now don't you??? Mission accomplished. Good job negro. You get a smiley face for effort."

Conscious Self: "...I just know that I miss her a lot and that I fucked up..."
Other Self: "Looks like I'll be finishing with the last word today. I'm not going to bother you though. I'm just going to return to my little cage...I just had to give you some words to think about...aight. Chunk up the deuce."
(Other Self leaves conversation and returns to imprisonment)

Conscious Self: "Damn...I may have just fucked up...looking in retrospect, I have to wonder what I was thinking...well at the time, I wasn't thinking. I hope she realizes that because Lord knows I don't want to mess stuff up before it even has the chance to get back right..."

"I'm not used to introspection. I've never lingered on my feelings..." -Brenda Lee-

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