I can't think of what to name this blog yet so I'll name it when time comes for it. Anyway...throughout the day, when I haven't been studying for my math test or what not, I've been doing some research on the influence of the Masonry and of the Baphomet (or Illuminati) on Hip-Hop culture and society. People think that Jay-Z is apart of the Masonry, but when doing any normal "research" on the internet, you'll find something like this: "Jay-Z is not a Mason. As far as being forced to be a Mason to be rich, that is not true. The Masonry is a fraternity. Masonry also has nothing to do with the devil or satanic worship." This in itself is true of Masonry (seeing as I know Masons that are Christians and don't worship the Devil) but can the same truth be said about the Baphomet? It's a very interesting question. I can see why the Masons would denounce any connection to the Baphomet openly, seeing as there is a negative connotation attached to the Baphomet, but is there any truth to these statements? Is it a coincidence that the symbol we know as the "Roc" has been thrown up by political figureheads LONG before the Roc was even a record label? I seriously doubt that. Just like is it a coincidence that the symbol that is similar to the symbol that University of Texas symbol has been thrown up by rappers and politicians alike for years? People have denounced the existence of the Baphomet for years (since technically the Baphomet was relinquished in 1752), but is it possible that maybe members of the Baphomet and the Masonry could just be trying to keep the world ignorant to the society around them? Are we all really being controlled by a select group of individuals that have mass control of society? I'm not trying to stir up anything...I just feel as if they're interesting questions...

Venting

...The blog that I didn't want to put under the category of Thoughts probably actually should've went under here...me venting. It's gotten to the point that I think that I've developed a mood disorder of some kind. Chemical imbalances every which a way...I feel up for a minute and down for a week after that. It's gotten to the point that if one person says something wrong to me then I'm ready to snap and either beat their ass or do something worse...I don't know what's going on mentally...I don't know if it is something that I thought I was over and I'm not or whether it's something else...but I do know this...the longer that I go on like this the worse I'm going to get and the less I'll be able to control the repercussions of my actions. Or maybe this is something much worse...maybe this is some kind of inner demon that is building up inside of me that when it gets strong enough, I won't be able to control it. Nothing like the mirror man argument...much much worse. Once again...call me insane or deranged if you want...I really don't care. I've gotten to that point that I don't care who cares about me and I don't really give two shits about anybody else. Point blank period. Trust...there's been a reason that not many people have been close to me recently. There's a reason why no one knows what goes on. There's a bunch of things going on in my life that I'll never tell a soul about. Why? Because people can't be trusted. That's been proven to me all too well this year. People will lie and say they love you when honestly they probably don't give two fucks about you. People will see you depressed and tell you to cheer up and try to tell you all the positive about you and your life but guess what...turn around and BASH you behind your back. I'm almost tempted to say names...but I'm not. I will say this to you though. Don't speak to me in public if you're not real. FUCK YOU. People with a bitch ass mentality can get the fuck on before one day I really snap at Fisk. Think what you will of me...I don't care. But you're not going to come at me with that fake shit. Fuck that. From now on, everyone gets dealt with accordingly. If niggas or bitch niggas or bitches (and if I think you're a BITCH I'll call it how I see it...and I normally don't even call women bitches) come incorrect then they can get put in their place too. I really don't give a fuck anymore...about anyone or their feelings. Don't believe me? Try me...

"I know you don't like me I can feel it in the air but to be perfectly honest, I really don't care..." -All Star a.k.a. Starlito-

You are appreciated...

This is a very sincere letter that I am writing to all of the women that I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt will be there for me. I know I can go to them for anything and they will always be there to pick me up when I'm down. So...with that being said, I'd like to send this shout out to my mother, Arletta Burse, my aunts, Jocelyn Nightingale, Florence Nightingale, Brenda Nightingale, Gloria Nightingale, Connie Nightingale, my best friends, Shatoya Polk, LaShonda Dancy, Jessica Cervero, and Elizabeth Sueing. I even appreciate that one special person that helped me grow so much as a person this year...I just won't mention her name though, but she is appreciated too. Just know that I love you all from the bottom of my heart and I'm glad that all of you are involved in my life and I'd do anything in the world for all of you. Much love.

Sincerely,

Josh

Thoughts...pt. 7

Let me start by saying I don't want to put this blog under the "Thoughts" classification but I guess I kind of have to due to lack of other things to name it. But anyway...I'm still having sleepless nights. Why??? Couldn't tell you. Could be multiple reasons. Could be the same one. Maybe a mixture of both. Who knows. What I do know is that on average a NIGHT...I'm averaging at the most 4 hours of sleep (and even that is pushing it). What's bad is that I'll actually be tired and still not be able to sleep. I dread the fact that I can't sleep comfortably...or at all for that matter...if something is on my mind. Who knows...maybe I do need some serious counseling...or someone to talk to on a regular basis to stay afloat. I don't know. But what I do know is that I need to do something about this before it gets out of hand...well FURTHER out of hand...

"I've got some issues that nobody can see...and all of these emotions are pouring out of me. I bring them to the light for you...it's only right, this is...the soundtrack to my life...the soundtrack to my life..." -KiD CuDi-

Just checking if this works...

Valentine's Day...

Well, another year, another Valentine's Day that I don't have to do anything. I guess that's good in a sense or whatever but...yeah. Anyway...the closest I've ever came to doing something on Valentine's Day was was like 11th grade...and then I lost the girlfriend part of that the day before Valentine's Day. Oh well. But yeah, Valentine's Day is just another day of the year for me...nothing really special or what not. It's not like a serious holiday where we get out of school or anything...it's just Valentine's Day. The official day for people to be boo'ed up with each other. Some people might think I'm bitter because I don't have a "Valentine" but that's not the case. Even if I did Valentine's Day wouldn't be that much of a big deal to me...but anyway. I'm not going to rain on anyone else's parade so Happy Valentine's Day to all of the people celebrating it. I hope you have a good one.

My Super Bowl Prediction

I normally use my blog for issues of serious life importance but in this case, I'll calm it down a bit. Now there's been one occasion where I've gotten the Super Bowl right down to the score and the winner but it'll be a little bit harder this year to choose because even though my heart is with the Saints, my HEAD is with the Colts. lol So I'll give the Colts the game, but by a win margin of I don't know yet. It'll either be a high scoring game or a defensive struggle (which no one can probably see) since both offenses are so potent. But...let me throw out a prediction...34-28 Colts. I just think so. Now if I'm right this year...I'm going to start betting money on these games...for real...lol. But I guess we'll just have to see later on when the game comes on huh???

Thoughts...pt. 6

Last night taught me a lot of things about myself. Since I've gotten here, I'm not the same person that I was earlier. I don't want to do the stuff I did before. I don't want to be around some of the people that I was around. I don't want to deal with some of the stupid stuff that I had to deal with. There's a lot of things that I've found out since I've been at Fisk, and all of them have helped me to grow as a person. I've learned that sometimes it really should be me, myself, and I and that NO ONE no matter who they are should be able to affect my happiness, no matter who they are. Sometimes you just have to remove the attachments that you have with some people because...well...that may not be what you need. I learned last night some things that I need and some things that I don't need, and now is that time to start trying to remove the things that I don't need in my life right now. People that don't want to be involved with me, I don't want to be involved with either. People that don't mean well for me, I could care less for. Maybe I've finally reached that point that I've been trying to reach for years...that point where I don't care if I'm an ass or not anymore. I think I've finally reached cold hearted/I don't care anymore status...and honestly...it feels kinda good to not care about anyone else's feelings right now.