From Memphis to Knox ...

Been three weeks since my last blog. A lot has changed since then. I'm living on my own now && I have to supply for self. Food && all. Never expected that paying bills would feel the way it does but it's a part of life. In all respects, I can say that I like Knox. I like the environment, school is going pretty good (it'll be going better once all my books get here), but there are some things in particular that I don't like how certain people go about handling stuff here. First of all, if you're going to do something, do it to the FULL EXTENT of your capabilities. Don't just half ass it. I feel like there's a couple of people on a half ass hustle. After I get all the way adjusted to my environment, it's time to start back hustling again. This time, unlike in Memphis, I've got a slightly different outlook on the situation which might just allow me to be more successful here than I was in Memphis. So ... it's about that time to get my mind ready for that. Today was the "straw that broke the camel's back" to me about this hustling thing ... I mean, I guess it's just that when you're used to having it && having it on your own ... always knowing where everything you needed was ... && you come to an environment where it's harder to come across because you don't necessarily have the same connections, you kinda get ... frustrated. To say the least. But trust me ... I'm working on it. So to everyone half hustling, just give me a second to start full fledged hustling from all angles. Maybe then you'll start to see things a lil' differently. Now I'm not knocking anyone for their methods. I mean if you're getting your's, then you're getting it, but from the way I see it, there's a lot more to be accomplished handling it the RIGHT way (or at least the way that I deemed right that worked for me) than handling it y'all's way. So with that in mind ... I put it on my dead Aunt Judy ... I'm going hard this year. I promise.

Letter to a Loved One

To one of the people who claims to be concerned the most,

It's been an interesting 3 1/2 years ... all of the ups && downs, && EVERYTHING. But I'm not gonna get into what has happened ... I'm gonna get into where this is GOING. Everything in life now has become about looking forward. && when I said things would be "different", here's the REAL reason why: my focus has changed a LOT. The old me you did know is probably not going to be the same. Basically what made a large part of me (the fact that I was so in touch with my emotions) is getting cut ... BIG TIME. That's why I just accept stuff for what it is now. Maybe now I'll be able to get a lot more done that I wanted to get done. Oh ... by the way ... I feel like my life chose me. I didn't really choose to live my life the way I did. So what I'm doing now ... I'm in. Can't do to much about it but make the best of it. Really ... I'm just writing this to let you know that I'm a different me now ... so ... yeah. Hopefully you don't start to view me differently because I've actually reached that point where it's time to be "grown" so I can't think the same way anymore ... about anything ... so that's why I have to think the way I think now && do what I have to do. I mean I thank you for the advice && all && I know you'll always be there, but this one, I've gotta handle on my own ... && with the way I'm about to handle it, I don't think you'll agree so much ... so ... that's just going to have to be what it is. Thanks for being there though. I appreciate it. Until I talk to you next time ..