Living Will

My last blog was the realest thing I ever wrote ... so I guess I'll call this ONE of the realest things I'll ever say. I guess my looming nightmares are what gave me the urge to write this ... && even though I don't own much, the little that I DO own (if anything were to ever happen to me), I figure I may as well leave it to someone. As far as physical possessions, I don't care who takes them. It's what I have to offer that's NOT physical that I'm worried about giving a proper home to if I am to ever have something to happen to me earlier than expected. First of all, I leave my brain && thirst for knowledge to my lil' brothers (or the people I call my lil' brothers) Fatboy & Jeremy. Y'all keep y'all head up man ... make me proud to honestly call y'all my lil' brothers. I leave my mannerisms to my lil' brother Kylan ... such as my responses to peoples' comments, etc. I'm sure he'll make good use of them as he comes of age. I leave my thought process to my lil' brothers as well. I leave my common sense to my best friend CJ ... he could use it sometimes when making some of the decisions he makes. I leave my caring spirit with all of my close friends (Toya, LaShonda, Jessica, Elizabeth, & whatever other important female friend I may have not mentioned) ... y'all mean the world to me. I leave my love for all of my niggas (no homo) to all of my niggas (CJ, Justin, Darren, Cam, Evan, & whoever I may have forgotten in that department too). I can't think of anything else ... oh yeah ... last but not least, I leave my heart && ALL of the love in it to Toya ... thanks for everything ... I can't thank you enough or describe how grateful I am that God put you in my life. I love ya ... always will ... && with that being said, I bring this blog to a close. Until the next time y'all ...

"This is my living will ... no, not a suicide note. Just letting you know how a nigga feel ..." -All Star a.k.a. Starlito-

Realest Thing I'll Ever Write ...

This is a throwback post really ... a post from awhile ago ... well a post that should've been posted a long time ago ... but I never did. So ... here it goes ... (I'm writing it like I would have been writing it in the past at that time ... so think of it as like a reflection I guess ...)

"I have a friend. A best friend actually. She asks me for advice a lot and I don't mind because she's always been there for me when I needed advice. Sometimes, she asks me for advice about guy s... and why guys are the way they are and why bad things keep happening to her with these guys ... and she's the sweetest girl on the planet so you'd think that God would hook her up with a good one here ... but I guess not. Every time she says something to me about some grimey stuff that a guy has done, I get mad ... like ready to go find someone and beat ass mad ... but she always tells me it's not that crucial. I really actually up and grabbed the keys one day and was almost ready to hit the car and drive ALL the way out that way ... (she stays like on the other side of the city from me) but that didn't bother me. I just know I was ready to beat ass. But I didn't ... and the more she asked me for advice, the more I used to pray that God would hook her up with a non-dog negro. But after awhile ... I started to think ... "If I was blessed like these people to be given a chance with this girl, I KNOW all of this wouldn't happen ... I know I'd cherish her like the queen that she deserves to be cherished like ..."

So ... I guess the bigger picture here ... has anyone ever been placed in a predicament where you KNOW that you'd do a lot better for someone and wish that you had that opportunity to do so ... but can't? And it eternally eats at you on the inside ... and no matter how much time passes, it still comes back to haunt you ... years later? Well ... hey ... I know they say everything happens for a reason, but I guess this is one of those mysteries of life that will never get answered ...

Been a minute ...

What's good world ??? Been a minute since my last post ... a lot of stuff has changed in the small amount of time it's been since my last post. Last time, I was talking about this rough decision I had to make, and it looks like I'll be at UTK next year. No offense to my Fisk fam ... I'll miss all of y'all (real talk) but I won't miss that "gabbage" administration that they have. Everything is setting up well ... I've made a couple of new friends that I mess with tough now and I have a job (maybe two) for the summer. Trying to stack that money pretty much ... get what I can. Hey ... it's good to have money to sit on and have nothing to do with it. It kinda gives you a sense of pride I guess. But yeah ... the only time I really chill is on the weekend since I work 40+ hours a week ... but it's all good. I'm making "guala" ... lol. But yeah ... I'm feeling generally pretty good about life right now. Can't complain too much ... don't have much to complain about. It's looking like it's setting up to be a good finish to these college years ... just gotta be on my grizzy and finish it out strong. I'm sure I'll have some speed bumps here and there but hey ... I'm facing them head on. Looking at life from a different perspective now ... all positives. No more negatives. Been through the trenches this past year and now that I'm out, I never plan on going down in them again. I'll keep y'all posted with the admission decision ... 'till then, deuces.

"Only place you can go when you've hit rock bottom is up ... so ... guess it's ascension time ..."

Choices

It's been a little minute since my last blog ... been through a lot recently and a lot has changed. I'm now faced with a difficult decision ... I either stay here at Fisk and continue to be in this "rut" and just hope things get better ... or I can leave Fisk and go to UTK ... where a lot of things (other than money) are in place. This is a difficult decision because my frat fam (Alpha Phi Omega) is here at Fisk ... and I love them a lot. They've been the main reason I've made it through this year. Not to mention GMH ... and the rest of the people I chill with regularly (Mike, Kenny, James, T, etc.) ... the people I call the "Usual Suspects". It's a hard decision to make ... on one hand, I know that I'm having the hardest time in the world here adjusting and making it through ... but I'm close to a lot of people here. But then on the other hand, I'm cool with a lot of people at UTK too ... and not to mention I'd be living with my brother, which would make a lot less stress on him and would help him out a lot (since I'd be helping with rent). It's a tough call to make, and as time winds down I have to make that decision FASTER ... but I still haven't come to a conclusion yet ... I just wish God would send me a sign ...

A Curious Moment ...

I'm curious ... (as the title would clearly imply) ... but I've realized something. Most of the time, I'm cool with all of the dudes that females primarily like to talk to ... (I won't mention any names) ... and dually I'm cool with the females that talk to them. I'm just saying ... this is slick how I got two of my three best friends (by giving them advice and just being there for them). So ... my curiosity is ... should I really feel like a best friend or a missing link ??? This isn't a knock to my best friends ... I'm just curious that's all ... but it's all cool. I'm not even mad ... I'm just in a state of critical thought ... but anyway. Signing out again for the moment ... deuces.

-J. Burse-

Update

So ... I haven't posted in awhile ... a little more than a month to be exact ... I've been pretty good. Or at least I guess I have. I mean I don't have too many complaints. Things are going pretty well. I've got a car at school now. I'm doing better in school than I was last semester, and I've maintained my sanity, so all is well. At least for the moment. School's almost out though so after this school year is over, I'll be fine for real. That's really when I have to make up my mind on this decision of whether I'm going to transfer or not too. I can't get too deep in Fisk before making that consideration because the credits here don't transfer to other places, so I've got a second to think about it. I'm actually going to go to the Office of Admission and get the paperwork just in case so I'll have it if I need it. I've got a job now working at A&F too so I won't have to be so broke anymore ... but it's all good. This is just kind of one of my more laid back blogs so ... yeah ... no deep thoughts in here. At least not this time. So ... until next time when I DO have some deep thoughts, deuces.

-Joshua O. Burse-

I can't think of what to name this blog yet so I'll name it when time comes for it. Anyway...throughout the day, when I haven't been studying for my math test or what not, I've been doing some research on the influence of the Masonry and of the Baphomet (or Illuminati) on Hip-Hop culture and society. People think that Jay-Z is apart of the Masonry, but when doing any normal "research" on the internet, you'll find something like this: "Jay-Z is not a Mason. As far as being forced to be a Mason to be rich, that is not true. The Masonry is a fraternity. Masonry also has nothing to do with the devil or satanic worship." This in itself is true of Masonry (seeing as I know Masons that are Christians and don't worship the Devil) but can the same truth be said about the Baphomet? It's a very interesting question. I can see why the Masons would denounce any connection to the Baphomet openly, seeing as there is a negative connotation attached to the Baphomet, but is there any truth to these statements? Is it a coincidence that the symbol we know as the "Roc" has been thrown up by political figureheads LONG before the Roc was even a record label? I seriously doubt that. Just like is it a coincidence that the symbol that is similar to the symbol that University of Texas symbol has been thrown up by rappers and politicians alike for years? People have denounced the existence of the Baphomet for years (since technically the Baphomet was relinquished in 1752), but is it possible that maybe members of the Baphomet and the Masonry could just be trying to keep the world ignorant to the society around them? Are we all really being controlled by a select group of individuals that have mass control of society? I'm not trying to stir up anything...I just feel as if they're interesting questions...