Conscious Self: "Yeah...I believe so."
OS: "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! YES YOU WEAK ASS NIGGA!!! LOOKS LIKE I'M MAKING A COMEBACK!!! I TOLD YOU SHE'D BE GONE AND AFTER SHE WAS OUT OF THE WAY THAT I WAS COMING BACK WITH A VENGEANCE!!! YES!!!"
CS: "Don't get too excited...you know it's funny how I've come to terms with your existence, and I'm fine with that. You can be here all you want...survey all the activities of my life that you want...it doesn't bother me anymore. You know...this week has matured me as an individual more than anything else in my life has and now that I've grown in Christ and my faith has increased, I don't have to worry about you. In the wise words of someone very special to me, "You have to love yourself so instead of looking for people to love you and fill that gap, you need to love yourself first...". So guess what...this is the day that I officially start loving myself...for me and who I am."
OS: "Man this is impossible...how do you lose the CLOSEST person to you that meant SO MUCH to you and now you're suddenly aight with this??? What the HELL is going on??? You can't have grown that much in a couple of days...that shit is just impractical and IMPOSSIBLE. I know you miss her...admit it. You just want her back and it's hurting you on the inside and you're depressed that she's gone forever...just admit it...trying to cover it up like you're not..."
CS: (politely smiling and laughing) "Just to tickle your fancy...yes, I do miss her. Hell...I love her. Can't lie about that. It's not bullshit. It's how I feel. Probably how I'll always feel. But something I've learned...you can't make someone feel the way you want them to feel, no matter how much you want them to or how hard you try to. I'm still going to pray for her every night and hope that God blesses her and that everything that she wants to happen in life happens. I will continue to pray that she's happy and fully content with life. I will continue to always hope the best for her and hell...I even hope that she finds that person that could be everything that I wasn't. Knowing what I know now, yes, I made foolish decisions. Decisions that I'll probably never make again in life. But everything happens for a reason, and how I feel...if it's meant to be then it'll be. God has a funny way of working things out for the BEST...not for how you want them to be. I'm not covering anything up. I will still openly say I love her. I won't tell anyone I don't. But I have one of two options right now...I can either sulk and be depressed and make this experience the worst of my life, or I can do what's best for me so I can grow and be a better person from this experience. I know there's more than likely a 0% chance of this ever happening but think about it this way...even if God was to work things out for the better for us to get back together, let's say I spent all that time sulking. By the time due time came back around, I wouldn't be in shape for something like that to happen because I probably wouldn't still be in college. My grades would've taken a turn for the worse and I'd probably feel worse than I feel. The only thing that is really upsetting me from this situation is that I wish I could've grown faster to see things on both sides and the fact that I beat myself up over this...cried and all, but I should've been looking at the positive this entire time. Sure...I may have killed my chances. But I can at least live with that fact now. The important thing is that I get myself back together, work on me, do what's best for me, and keep on moving..."
OS: ".....................AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!?!?!?!?!? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEPRESSED!!!!!! NOT DEALING WITH IT!!!!! THIS ISN'T FOR YOU TO DEAL WITH!!!! I'M SUPPOSED TO TAKE THIS AND USE IT TO MY ADVANTAGE!!!!! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FINE!!!!!!! THE GIRL YOU LOVE JUST TOLD YOU SOME OF THE WORST NEWS YOU'VE EVER HEARD!!!!!! AND YOU'RE TAKING IT IN STRIDE?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THIS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
CS: "Yeah...it may have been some of the worst news ever but I know God's gonna work it out. I knew I hadn't been praying the serenity prayer for months without expecting to hear an answer soon. Just like the old gospel song said..."He may not come when you want him, but he'll be there right on time...". Now I see that is really true. In the words of Ma$e..."Gotta survive in this life that's being given to me...when it seems like the world keep scratching on me...when I'm down, I'll get by, just keep it real, gotta survive...gotta survive...". God has too much purpose for my life to let this block my blessing so...I'm still praying for the best...for her and for me...so...you can go back to your cage now...dueces."
OS: (walks away grumbling several profanities at CS)
"You know there's nothing in this world that could separate me from what I believe...from what I've achieved. All of this is because of him. And I'm telling you now...as much as you don't want to hear this, I could do nothing to myself. It's all through Him...it's all through Him. So all around the world, you don't even know success until you know Him...and Him is Jesus." -Mason Betha-
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