3:26 a.m. The current time. Really the only reason I'm still up is because I'm thinking about someone and my life in general. It is at this exact moment that I've realized some things. As a man, I can honestly admit that I've cried more at Fisk than I have in my entire life. Not just because of some nonsense issues either, but because at times while I've been here, it has genuinely felt like my world was crashing down around me. The one woman who I always thought had my back and would always be there to support me has kind of turned on me recently and all I ever get from her is negativity, such as the fact that I'm nothing but a nigga and that I have no Jesus. My now ex-girlfriend broke up with me and she was a strong pillar of support, but she had good reason, and even though I may want her back, I have to respect her decision, but no matter what happens, she'll still be my friend and I still love her no matter what. Since being at Fisk, I've also realized that even though sometimes people may mean well, they tend to give horrible advice. When other people become involved in your personal matters, it tends to cause many problems, and unfortunately, I'm seeing the effects of this now. Another thing I've realized is that writing is an outlet for me. I never realized this until I got a blog and started to write about my feelings and such, since I very rarely open up to anyone. This helps me to somewhat clear my mind because if I kept everything bottled up, I'd be insane by now. So...I guess I have found my constructive outlet...I'm starting to figure some things out. And the process of self fixing and growing up finally begins before my face...which is good.

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."

-Friedrich Nietzsche-

"Part of being sane is being a little crazy." -Janet Long-

"Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence." -Henrik Tikkanen-