1st time...worst time...

For the first time in my life, I know what it feels like to worry about academics. The never having to study has finally reared it's ugly head in life and now it's come back to haunt me and losing my scholarship is like one of my largest worries...and God KNOWS that I can't do that. I'd feel like I failed my mom, Aunt Judy, my fam, my big brother, and myself. It was always in the back of my brain at one point that I'd never make it to college...but look at me. I'm one of three presidential scholars in the number 4 black institution in the country...and work is (excuse my French) kicking my ass. What's bad is that it's getting harder and I don't know if I'll be able to manage. Sure...everyone around me keeps telling me that I'm one of the smartest people that they've ever met and that I'll make it out just fine but I just can't see the other end of the tunnel like they do. I even have people that look up to me and this is the type of example I'm setting??? Right now...I'm on the path to losing a scholarship that very few people could acquire...which a lot of people would find to be a good thing since I've always been known for being the smart one. I don't know...maybe I'm just worrying too much. Or maybe not worrying enough is actually what has brought me to this point that I'm in. All I know is that I'm going to need God's grace and a miracle grouped with some miraculous self works just to keep this scholarship. If you're reading this, please just pray for me because if I lose this scholarship, the likelihood that I continue my education is slim because I refuse to put a financial strain on my mother like that. What I'll do...I don't know. But I do know this...I have a lot of things on my mind and not enough time to think about them all. So...I think I'm about to apply some self works and let go and let God deal with it...