Things Lookin' Up

So I'm in Knox now. I'm comfortable (for the most part). If I get this other job at T.J. Maxx then I'll be REALLY comfortable (especially since I can work with one of my white guys doing manual labor for 12 dollars an hour on the side). Things are falling in place & things are starting to look up. & not to mention I've met a really cool person that I think is going to be my new Knoxville chilling buddy. She's really cool as shit & we have a lot in common. So I guess this is just the letter to state that things are going well, but let me give them a lil' minute, they'll be going a lot better. Oh ... by the way. M2K became a reality. 11 individual beats from different producers (mostly A.O.) and I'mma find some other tracks to kinda freestyle on to fill the blank. Hard to believe this is gonna be my first mixtape on my own but so many people are backing me now I can't help but feel good about it. So ... things are looking up for real. Guess I'm just gonna ride this wave & see where it takes me.

*p.s. This blog post is dedicated to Sophia ... :-)*

"... we're movin' on up ... to the sky ... to a deluxe apartment in the sky. Yeah we're movin' on up ... to the sky ... we finally got a piece of the pie."

From Memphis to Knox ...

Been three weeks since my last blog. A lot has changed since then. I'm living on my own now && I have to supply for self. Food && all. Never expected that paying bills would feel the way it does but it's a part of life. In all respects, I can say that I like Knox. I like the environment, school is going pretty good (it'll be going better once all my books get here), but there are some things in particular that I don't like how certain people go about handling stuff here. First of all, if you're going to do something, do it to the FULL EXTENT of your capabilities. Don't just half ass it. I feel like there's a couple of people on a half ass hustle. After I get all the way adjusted to my environment, it's time to start back hustling again. This time, unlike in Memphis, I've got a slightly different outlook on the situation which might just allow me to be more successful here than I was in Memphis. So ... it's about that time to get my mind ready for that. Today was the "straw that broke the camel's back" to me about this hustling thing ... I mean, I guess it's just that when you're used to having it && having it on your own ... always knowing where everything you needed was ... && you come to an environment where it's harder to come across because you don't necessarily have the same connections, you kinda get ... frustrated. To say the least. But trust me ... I'm working on it. So to everyone half hustling, just give me a second to start full fledged hustling from all angles. Maybe then you'll start to see things a lil' differently. Now I'm not knocking anyone for their methods. I mean if you're getting your's, then you're getting it, but from the way I see it, there's a lot more to be accomplished handling it the RIGHT way (or at least the way that I deemed right that worked for me) than handling it y'all's way. So with that in mind ... I put it on my dead Aunt Judy ... I'm going hard this year. I promise.

Letter to a Loved One

To one of the people who claims to be concerned the most,

It's been an interesting 3 1/2 years ... all of the ups && downs, && EVERYTHING. But I'm not gonna get into what has happened ... I'm gonna get into where this is GOING. Everything in life now has become about looking forward. && when I said things would be "different", here's the REAL reason why: my focus has changed a LOT. The old me you did know is probably not going to be the same. Basically what made a large part of me (the fact that I was so in touch with my emotions) is getting cut ... BIG TIME. That's why I just accept stuff for what it is now. Maybe now I'll be able to get a lot more done that I wanted to get done. Oh ... by the way ... I feel like my life chose me. I didn't really choose to live my life the way I did. So what I'm doing now ... I'm in. Can't do to much about it but make the best of it. Really ... I'm just writing this to let you know that I'm a different me now ... so ... yeah. Hopefully you don't start to view me differently because I've actually reached that point where it's time to be "grown" so I can't think the same way anymore ... about anything ... so that's why I have to think the way I think now && do what I have to do. I mean I thank you for the advice && all && I know you'll always be there, but this one, I've gotta handle on my own ... && with the way I'm about to handle it, I don't think you'll agree so much ... so ... that's just going to have to be what it is. Thanks for being there though. I appreciate it. Until I talk to you next time ..

One of the Greatest Stories Ever Told ...

So ... this is actually the FULL story of what was on my Facebook status. This story is always better when *someone else* *wink wink* tells me from *her* perspective. So ... these two 11th graders are both in Bridge Builders in Memphis. Just so happens that the Special Olympics volunteer project was that day && they were both going to be there. During the basketball tournament, the dude looks over to the opposing team sideline && realizes that he sees one of the most gorgeous girls he's ever seen in a yellow shirt && some sandals. So during one of the breaks in the action during the game, he decides to go talk to her, but not just go talk to her in any kind of way. He decides to slick be an ass && talk about how his team is winning && how her's is losing. They begin to get into a conversation about how one of the players on the dude's team is mean, but the dude stands up for his team. When they leave from this conversation, the girl has the understanding that this dude is an asshole && that she can't stand him, but she thinks he's cute, so it was on her mind the WHOLE day to find this dude && tell him off. Get close to the end of the day, the dude finds the girl again, but this time with an entirely different approach. They both sat in the bleachers together with another group of people && the dude slickly asked for the girl's number. Guessing because he was cute && not acting like an asshole now, the girl gave him the number. They started to text && the girl actually realized that the dude was a really nice guy. He just wanted to get her attention somehow. And from then on, the story is history. These two became the best of friends. Now ... odd twist to the story is that the dude ended up loving the girl as more than a best friend, so ... my curious thoughts wonder ... is that the end of the story for these two ... ??? Or is there still more to be written ... ??? Only time will tell, but it's still my favorite story.

Living Will

My last blog was the realest thing I ever wrote ... so I guess I'll call this ONE of the realest things I'll ever say. I guess my looming nightmares are what gave me the urge to write this ... && even though I don't own much, the little that I DO own (if anything were to ever happen to me), I figure I may as well leave it to someone. As far as physical possessions, I don't care who takes them. It's what I have to offer that's NOT physical that I'm worried about giving a proper home to if I am to ever have something to happen to me earlier than expected. First of all, I leave my brain && thirst for knowledge to my lil' brothers (or the people I call my lil' brothers) Fatboy & Jeremy. Y'all keep y'all head up man ... make me proud to honestly call y'all my lil' brothers. I leave my mannerisms to my lil' brother Kylan ... such as my responses to peoples' comments, etc. I'm sure he'll make good use of them as he comes of age. I leave my thought process to my lil' brothers as well. I leave my common sense to my best friend CJ ... he could use it sometimes when making some of the decisions he makes. I leave my caring spirit with all of my close friends (Toya, LaShonda, Jessica, Elizabeth, & whatever other important female friend I may have not mentioned) ... y'all mean the world to me. I leave my love for all of my niggas (no homo) to all of my niggas (CJ, Justin, Darren, Cam, Evan, & whoever I may have forgotten in that department too). I can't think of anything else ... oh yeah ... last but not least, I leave my heart && ALL of the love in it to Toya ... thanks for everything ... I can't thank you enough or describe how grateful I am that God put you in my life. I love ya ... always will ... && with that being said, I bring this blog to a close. Until the next time y'all ...

"This is my living will ... no, not a suicide note. Just letting you know how a nigga feel ..." -All Star a.k.a. Starlito-

Realest Thing I'll Ever Write ...

This is a throwback post really ... a post from awhile ago ... well a post that should've been posted a long time ago ... but I never did. So ... here it goes ... (I'm writing it like I would have been writing it in the past at that time ... so think of it as like a reflection I guess ...)

"I have a friend. A best friend actually. She asks me for advice a lot and I don't mind because she's always been there for me when I needed advice. Sometimes, she asks me for advice about guy s... and why guys are the way they are and why bad things keep happening to her with these guys ... and she's the sweetest girl on the planet so you'd think that God would hook her up with a good one here ... but I guess not. Every time she says something to me about some grimey stuff that a guy has done, I get mad ... like ready to go find someone and beat ass mad ... but she always tells me it's not that crucial. I really actually up and grabbed the keys one day and was almost ready to hit the car and drive ALL the way out that way ... (she stays like on the other side of the city from me) but that didn't bother me. I just know I was ready to beat ass. But I didn't ... and the more she asked me for advice, the more I used to pray that God would hook her up with a non-dog negro. But after awhile ... I started to think ... "If I was blessed like these people to be given a chance with this girl, I KNOW all of this wouldn't happen ... I know I'd cherish her like the queen that she deserves to be cherished like ..."

So ... I guess the bigger picture here ... has anyone ever been placed in a predicament where you KNOW that you'd do a lot better for someone and wish that you had that opportunity to do so ... but can't? And it eternally eats at you on the inside ... and no matter how much time passes, it still comes back to haunt you ... years later? Well ... hey ... I know they say everything happens for a reason, but I guess this is one of those mysteries of life that will never get answered ...

Been a minute ...

What's good world ??? Been a minute since my last post ... a lot of stuff has changed in the small amount of time it's been since my last post. Last time, I was talking about this rough decision I had to make, and it looks like I'll be at UTK next year. No offense to my Fisk fam ... I'll miss all of y'all (real talk) but I won't miss that "gabbage" administration that they have. Everything is setting up well ... I've made a couple of new friends that I mess with tough now and I have a job (maybe two) for the summer. Trying to stack that money pretty much ... get what I can. Hey ... it's good to have money to sit on and have nothing to do with it. It kinda gives you a sense of pride I guess. But yeah ... the only time I really chill is on the weekend since I work 40+ hours a week ... but it's all good. I'm making "guala" ... lol. But yeah ... I'm feeling generally pretty good about life right now. Can't complain too much ... don't have much to complain about. It's looking like it's setting up to be a good finish to these college years ... just gotta be on my grizzy and finish it out strong. I'm sure I'll have some speed bumps here and there but hey ... I'm facing them head on. Looking at life from a different perspective now ... all positives. No more negatives. Been through the trenches this past year and now that I'm out, I never plan on going down in them again. I'll keep y'all posted with the admission decision ... 'till then, deuces.

"Only place you can go when you've hit rock bottom is up ... so ... guess it's ascension time ..."